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Ruminations as Aaron’s daughter enters the world. Reposted in light of the new births at Groovy Green, and certainly worth reading…

My wife and I recently had a child. Her name is Keaton Phoenix. We are currently experiencing that wonderful, challenging and exciting episode after the arrival of a new baby into a young family. I say we but my wife has done the lion’s share of the work- growing, birthing and feeding the baby. Nothing humbles a man more than watching a women smaller and more delicate than he carry out an amazing effort of love and selflessness unlike any he’s ever seen. My part was to prepare. As the due date approached we generously received a number of items with which to feed, cloth, protect, enclose, teach, support, and entertain our expected child. Through this experience I began to better understand how the consumer culture is engrained in us at an early age.

Our Lamaze instructor, my mother, had experience in teaching this form of childbirth preparation of more than twenty years. She told us the story of how the companies that produce baby formula regularly obtained the names and addresses of expecting parents and sent them a free case of ready to use bottle formula even before the baby was born. Babies learn early on that getting liquid from a bottle is much easier than getting liquid from a breast. Using bottles too early can affect the ability of a mother to breast feed effectively because the baby will want for the bottle. The formula companies know this and want their product in the perspective consumer’s home during those first few late night feedings that can be frustrating for the sleep-deprived mother. I now fully understand just how tumultuous this time can be. My wife has experienced fluctuations in milk productions, baby growth spurts, and a seemingly inconsolable child among other road blocks to our plan of feeding the baby in a natural way.

Let me stop at this point and say that there is nothing wrong with bottle feeding. My point is that thus begins the life-long bombardment of advertising and propaganda designed to direct your decision. Buy this. Want that. Desire things you do not have. More is better, you can’t have enough; and if you do we’ll make something new. A friend of mine recently defined human progress as the ability of technology to invent more ways to entertain us. I like to think he was kidding.

Corporate America doesn’t wait until children are born to begin to tell them how to live. They start before birth by advising and informing parents on what they’ll need and what they can’t raise a child without. I have been told by multiple sources that we simply have to purchase a number of products and devices if we wish to have a happy, healthy child. My favorite is the idea that an in-car DVD player is a must. My counter argument seems quaint- isn’t there plenty to look at out the window? It’s easy to see how we’ve come to believe we need so much of what we don’t have.

It has been interesting and sometimes frustrating to consider raising a child in the current culture of America, where money seems to be the most important aspect of life. For me the fundamental focus will be on raising a citizen and not a consumer. I hope to teach my child to be content with what we have and to be responsible about what she takes. I hope to teach her to focus not on the material items pushed upon her but on the relationships created between her and the people she shares her life with. I hope to teach my child to do for herself and not to fall into the trap of dependency on the make-believe world invented by those who would profit from her lack of self-reliance. In a recent conversation concerning mobile phones a man told me I will want my daughter to have a cell phone when she turns 16 and begins to drive a car so that when she has a flat tire she can call someone to come and change it. I responded by informing this well wishing individual that when my daughter turns 16 and begins to drive a car I will teach her to change a tire so she can do it for herself regardless of whether she has her phone. This is not to say that cell phones aren’t useful in emergencies. But what will she do when the battery is dead, when she’s out of range or can’t communicate for some other reason? The emphasis has shifted away from first learning to do for ourselves and onto calling in the cavalry.

True freedom is not the ability to do what you want but the ability to do what you should. It takes a long time just to learn what this means. For me this means learning how to take care of myself, my family, my friends and the other creatures I share this life with. As I practice this concept I hope to share it with my child that she may learn to live harmoniously as she sees fit; not buying in as it were to what others are selling.
In the weeks leading up to the birth of our baby I put together a crib. I found it on the side of the road. It was some what disassembled and lacking the support springs for a mattress. A little effort had it fit for use and looking good in short order. I had to explain to several thoughtful family members and friends that we did not need the gift of a new crib. Our child came home to sleep in an old crib recycled. There is great honor in reuse. I hope her first bed will provide the foundation for a life lived deliberately with an effort towards the responsibility of living sensibly in this wonderful world. I pray for the strength and wisdom and the courage to help teach the way.